Tips for Reducing Your Child’s Holiday Stress November 24, 2009

We all want to enjoy the holidays–to take some much-needed downtime to reconnect with our favorite people, eat good food, and have a laugh while remembering old times. Even if we are master stress-busters, 100% committed to a lifestyle of nutrition, adequate sleep and physical exercise, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, if our over-booked, over-fed, over-stimulated child has a meltdown, we are likely to be led down our own rocky path to Meltdownville.  

Dr. Charlotte Reznick is a child educational psychologist, an associate clinical professor of psychology at UCLA, and author of a new book, The Power of Your Child’s Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success (say that three times fast!). Here are her tips for helping every member of your family, both large and small, to have a relaxing, joyful, happy holiday.

Visualize a heart-filled holiday.
You can do this one at the dinner table. Have everyone in the family close their eyes, focus on their heart, and imagine what kind of holiday will bring joy into their heart. Then share your ideas around the table. This helps kids feel listened to, cared for, and included.
 
Spread the joy around.
The time-honored tradition of helping others can shift priorities. If kids or teens are moping around or showing signs of stress, take them to the local soup kitchen to serve meals. Visit a nursing home with hand-made cards. Helping others gives kids a feeling of more control and a sense of being both useful and appreciated.
 
Blow out negativity, light up hope.
Create a family ritual of hope. Have two candles for each family member: one lit, one not. Have each imagine what they’d like to let go of — what no longer serves them — and say, “I’m going to toss this out (anger, worry, meanness to my sister) when I blow this candle out.”  Then light a new candle and share, “I hope to bring in (kindness, faith, cleaning my room) as I light anew.” Let go of the old and bring in the new.
 
Give distress a voice.
If this is your child’s the first holiday without a loved one–grandpa passed away, or big sister is in Afghanistan–younger family members may feel a deep sense of loss. Or maybe your child is feeling the stress of a recent divorce. Give her paper and markers, and ask her to draw whatever is making her sad or mad. Then ask her what the picture wants to say out loud. Often, putting a face on an emotion and letting it “speak” makes the child feel better–and gives the parent a way to understand what’s going on.
 
Sweat is sweet.
Kids (and adults) can get all pent up during holiday time. Surprise little ones by clearing the furniture out of the center of the room, turning on some fun music, and dancing vigorously for 10 minutes. Or bundle up the family and take a wintry walk while playing “I Spy.” Exercise releases feel-good chemicals and is one of the fastest ways to chase away holiday blahs and instill a sense of togetherness.

Teens, sex, and family dinners: Parent/teen relationships count November 21, 2009

Concerned about your teen engaging in sex at a young age? A new Child Trends research brief, Parents Matter: The Role of Parents in Teens’ Decisions about Sex, explores how your behavior and practices as a parent, and the qaulity of your relationship with your adolescent can make an impact on the probability of first sex by age 16.  

 The Role of Parents in Teens’ Decisions about Sex

• Better parent-adolescent relationships are associated with reduced risk of early sexual experience among teen girls.
  • Teen girls who reported high relationship quality with both parents were less likely to have sex at an early age (22%), compared with teen girls who reported low relationship quality with both parents (37%).
  • This finding holds true for teen girls’ relationships with their mothers and fathers separately, but no significant association was found for teen boy
• Teen boys who eat dinner with their family every day have a lower probability of having sex before age 16 (31%), compared with those who eat dinner with their family four days a week or less (37%). No significant association was found for teen girls on this measure.
• Adolescents whose parents are more aware of whom they are with when not at home are less likely to have sex by age 16. For example, only 22% of girls who reported that their parents knew “everything” about whom they were with when they were not home had first sex before age 16, compared with 43% who reported their parents knew little or nothing.

“These findings highlight the importance of parents in adolescents’ lives,” said study co-author Jennifer Manlove, Ph.D. ”Parents can be involved beyond having the ’sex talk’ with their adolescents, by fostering strong relationships, developing family routines such as eating dinner together regularly, and being aware of where their children are when they are not at home.”
 
This study is based on data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, sponsored and directed by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. Department of Labor.

Holiday tension? Try Feng Shui for your family Thanksgiving Dinner November 16, 2009

Using Feng Shui can help ensure a warm, happy and positive atmosphere for you and your guests. For many people, the holidays bring with them seemingly perpetual family tension. The idea that Feng Shui might offer some peace and happiness should come as a huge relief! Not sure Feng Shui is for real? Read these simple tips from ChicagoHealers.com Practitioner Dr. Andie Pearson, DMD–they are excellent organizational and decorating tips, and if they do stimulate a positive environment, all the better. What do you have to lose?

• Clean and Clear: No matter what the occasion, the first step in Feng Shui is clearing clutter and cleaning the area.
• Analyze: After you have cleared, cleaned and organized the area where you will be entertaining, you need to decided on themes, purpose, how many people will be invited, who will be there, and what activities and foods will you have. This should help you with the rest of your planning.
• Color It Warm: Plan the decorations with warm relaxing colors. Use goldenrod, earthy greens, tans, amber, deep rich reds or maroons etc. You want a color scheme that will be both relaxing and welcoming. Fall and Thanksgiving colors lend themselves to this very well.
• Traffic Flow – Create a good flow of traffic throughout. Ask yourself – Are you having an actual sit-down event , buffet or cocktails with appetizers ?
  • If you are having a formal dinner, have that room separate from the rest of the party, allowing the rest of the party area to be designated as the place for social gathering.
  • For a buffet-style Thanksgiving, have an area for the food and a section for drinks. You will also need to have seating scattered about in organized fashion that doesn’t block flow of traffic.
  • A Thanksgiving party that is just snacks, appetizers and cocktails has a bit of free flow. You can arrange several areas for food and drinks scattered through out the room so that people can stroll from place to place and socialize.
• Minimalist - Decorations should be pleasing to the eye, but kept to a minimum. Overly large or overwhelming items or too much clutter can create an environment of anxiety. (From an eco-conscious standpoint, less is always more, anyway. Try to find new uses for existing items in your home, or shop second-hand, and give old finds a breath of new life.) The stimulation of clutter is too much and makes it hard to relax into the party. Flower arrangements on the table or through out the room should be conservative and moderate to short. Anything big or tall will not allow for conversion across the table. Because people will be visiting and talking, music would be very nice, but needs to be low and soft so that it doesn’t compete with everyone there.

 

If you stick to the basics of Feng Shui, your party will be a success. So remember, clear and clean, plan in detail, go low and conservative on decorations, and allow for good social flow patterns through out the party area.

 

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The more the merrier: More kids = more joy for married couples November 15, 2009

On The Soup last Friday, Joel McHale made a crack about TLC’s penchant for shows about families with multiple kids, chiding them for the two things the network seems to do best–stick to a format and ruin a marriage. While media channels continue to drag Jon and Kate Gosselin’s troubles to the spotlight, a new study by Dr. Luis Angeles from the University of Glasgow reports findings indicating that having children improves married peoples’ life satisfaction and the more they have, the happier they are. For unmarried individuals, raising children has little or no positive effect on their happiness.

When asked about the most important things in their lives, most people place their children near or even at the top of their list. Contrary to previous studies on this topic, Dr. Angeles’ analysis of the relationship between having children and life satisfaction takes into account the role of individual characteristics, including marital status, gender, age, income and education.

For married individuals of all ages and married women in particular, children increase life satisfaction and life satisfaction goes up with the number of children in the household. Negative experiences in raising children are reported by people who are separated, living as a couple, or single, having never been married. Children take their toll on their parents’ satisfaction with social life, and amount and use of leisure time.

Dr. Angeles concludes: “One is tempted to advance that children make people better off under the ‘right conditions’ — a time in life when people feel that they are ready, or at least willing, to enter parenthood. This time can come at very different moments for different individuals, but a likely signal of its approach may well be the act of marriage.”

I might add that, of the happy, successful, larger families with whom I’m personally familiar, it really does seem to come down to partnership–not only between the husband and wife, but among their offspring. Committed partners help one annother, and teach their children to do so as well. In happy families with many children, you’ll often find older children assisting younger siblings without begrudging it, because their parents model that value. And let’s not forget gratitude: parents who demonstrate thankfulness for one another and for their children encourage their kids to be thankful for one another as well.

I also look to larger families to learn better time management and organization. In our house, I’m frequently amazed by the chaos created by only two preschoolers–some might say we’ve already reached critical mass–and I can’t imagine having the energy to bring in a third (and let’s be honest, I’m not getting any younger). 

Having children is, to be certain, a tremendous amount of work. Thank goodness our children also bring us a heightened experience of happiness, although I have to wonder how that balance between work and reward is maintained if beleagured by the constant presence of a film crew?

Buying gift cards at a discount–easy gifts, but buyer and receiver beware November 10, 2009

I have a secret love affair with gift cards. The reason I say “secret” because, in many ways, gift cards have a dark side. Yes, I love to receive them–I get to go purchase whatever I most desire! I’m not alone; Consumers are expected to spend more than $50 billion on gift cards this year.

The dark side? They are the least imaginative gift possible. Giving a card is wonderfully convenient for the last-minute shopper, but does not reflect the giver’s inherent knowledge of the receiver–knowing what one might delight in says volumes about your intimacy. Not terribly intimate of the receiver? Giving a gift card maintains that distance by ensuring the receiver learns very little about you, the giver.

Secondly, gift cards are almost always made of plastic–not at all eco-friendly. What’s more, they are often lost, or worse, used until the last few dollars or so. Billions of dollars remain unspent every year on gift cards, and the companies that issue them are the beneficiaries of this unspent credit. When cards are not used, the value can sometimes decline, due to fees and other charges, making the cards a bigger gift for the retailers than the recipient.

A study conducted earlier this year for Consumer Reports found that 27% of gift card recipients have not used one or more of the cards, up from 19% at the same time last year. And among consumers with unredeemed cards from last season, 51%  have 2 or more. (Not me! I go right out and spend them.)

In a study by ConsumerAffairs.com, only 33% of a representative sample of 1,004 adult Americans know that typically $-7 dollars of every card goes towards a fee  the retailer pockets, and sometimes are subject to monthly fees as high as $4.95 as early as six months after purchase. And, only 54% are aware that 6 to 12 months after purchase, some of these gift cards (such as Visa, MasterCard and American Express) charge a monthly fee.

Remember, if the card balance gets so low that there’s nothing to buy, ask a merchant to do a split-tender transaction. That involves using the remaining card balance for part of the transaction and another form of payment for the rest. One the entire balance has been spent, don’t throw the card away just yet. Some merchants require it for returns.

Buying Gift Cards on Discount

That said, I admit I will gladly accept–and fully use–a gift card any day, being sure to recycle the plastic when I’m done with it.  And, like most people, I like to get a great deal! There is a terrific new aggregate website called GiftCardGranny.com which serves as the most comprehensive listing of discount gift cards on the Internet. “A lot of people don’t know you can buy gift cards at less than face value,” says Luke Knowles, the website’s founder. “You can save a lot of money over the long term using that strategy on items you use on a regular basis.” Check out the Gift Card Granny blog, offering articles with tips related to buying and selling gift cards.

Social Media goes reality TV: Compete and win for an eco home makeover! November 9, 2009

The EarthCare Challenge, presented by Hickory Springs, is making the call for “eco-oblivious” contestants! This first-of-its-kind nationwide contest that will chronicle–in a reality game show environment–the challenges of six contestants aspiring to live more sustainable lifestyles. The contest will take place entirely on the Internet on social networking communities Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and EarthCareInside.com.
One lucky grand prize winner will receive an earth-friendly home furnishings makeover for their home, valued at $5,000! On December 1, Hickory Springs will announce six regional finalists who will embark on a 45-day Green Makeover. The contestants’ progress will be chronicled through social media sites, while the public will be invited to participate by voting for their favorite contestant and becoming a fan of designated sites for a chance to win special discounts and prizes.

 

The winner will be selected in January 2010 by Hickory Springs, and will be awarded their own personal collection of eco-friendly furnishings for their home!

Entering The EarthCare Challenge is easy! There are two ways to do it:Facebook with a short paragraph describing why you are “eco-oblivious” and want to live a more sustainable/green lifestyle. Make sure to include a photo or two about the areas of your lifestyle needing an eco-friendly makeover. See sample topics below.Facebook or YouTube channel. Use your digital camera, camera phone, web cam; the length is up to you. See sample topics below.

1. Photo Entry
Email EarthCare or post to them on

OR

2. Video Entry
Shoot a quick video to post to either the company’s 

Sample Topics for your Entry
Feel free to work with these or make up your own:

• Open your fridge. Test your “locavore” count – how many locally sourced products can you identify?

• Are your household cleaners begging for an eco-overhaul? Amass them and take a photo.

• “Show and Tell” one green item that you love. Could be anything from all-natural laundry detergent to the bicycle that helps you lower your carbon footprint

• What does the “recycling hub” of your home look like? What do you recycle?

• Talk about your favorite method of transportation.

The contest is open to U.S. residents ages 21. For rules and entry information, visit EarthCareInside.com. Or, learn more about the contest on YouTube.

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Creating Family Traditions: Make your own, have fun, and grow closer October 12, 2009

We all have a handful of cherished family memories—things we did with our family which comforted us when we were little. These traditions may have included decorating the Christmas tree, or visiting a special relative in the summer, or even humorous and mundane things like a certain dish mom used to make—terribly.

Why not begin creating your own special traditions? They can be solemn or downright silly, whatever suits your brood. I’m going to use this page to begin a list of ideas of creative new rituals to try with my kids and husband, to build lasting memories, learn more about them and the things they value, and to simply share quality time with the people I love most.

Her are some ideas:

1. Create a Family Phrase Book.

Rather than downloading and printing pics for the photo album, why not start a compendium of all the cute, zany, hilariously unintelligible and downright heart-melting things your kids say? (This idea comes from my inability to assemble a scrapbook, overridden by my desire to remember all the precious moments. My husband keeps our photos organized on the computer, not to worry!)

• “Hey, do you want to go to Christmas? Get your raincoat!”  Now that Joseph is three, his imagination has run wild. His “raincoat” was a scarf he’d pulled from the front hall closet. Hey, I’d love to go to Christmas. (Joseph, age 3)
• “I can feel my poops in my nose.”  Joseph rather poetically said this when he caught the aroma of, well, his toots. It took us a moment to decipher it, and then we all cracked up. (Joseph, age 3)
• “I can’t want it!”  This was his rendition of “no thank you” for a while. Can a person not be able to want something? We finally convinced him to decline in a more dignified manner, but to this day, my husband and I replace “no” with this puzzling phrase. (Joseph, age 3)
• “I make you beautiful, mommy.”  This was Joseph’s reassurance to me one day when I was disappointed about something. I don’t remember what the let-down was, but I am certain that whatever beauty I have, my family is responsible for it. (Joseph, age 3)
• “I made a rainbow by planting seeds and sprinkling with milk.” Joseph said this after seeing a rainbow one morning. (Joseph, age 4)

2. Play “Something Nice Happened Today!”

This is a fun twist on counting our blessings. It requires little ones to think about the events of the day, and pick out the highlights. It builds a sense of abundance and joy. Life looks pretty good when you consider how many wonderful things happen every day. Remember, this exercise has nothing to do with “big” things like winning the lottery or getting a raise, or a puppy, or what-have-you. This is about finding joy in the everyday. For example:

• “I met a new friend at the park and we played pirates!”
• “I wrestled with Daddy and I won!”
• “I drew pictures with my crayons, and built a spaceship with my Legos.”
• “I took my race cars into the bubble bath!”
• “I read a new book.”

Moms and Dads can offer their own blessings. These can be as simple as saying “I saw you sharing with your brother and helping him” to something much more meaningful. The significance of this to share with your child what you consider a blessing, what is important to you. Showing gratitude for your child’s contribution to your life firms your bond and increases self confidence.

3. Keep record of the most unexpected moments of parenthood

When you were pregnant, you spent hours thinking about how life with baby might be. When your little cherub arrived, reality turned out to be a lot more work—and a lot more unexpected!– than you ever imagined. Children love to hear stories about themselves, especially things that happened when they were “little”—the sillier the better!

• Total obsession with Star Wars. My husband brought home the Star Wars Lego Wii game, long before either my 2- or 4-year-old were old enough to see the movies. It stirred something very deep and primal in them. They are absolutely obsessed with using “the forest” (the force), spaceships, planets, and “wight sabers.” At night, they request the Star Wars theme-song in place of lullabies, and wish ardently to collect all the Star Wars Legos kits that are find beyond their intended age range.

Damage Control for Halloween candy overload October 7, 2009

For what does the bell toll? It tolls for calories, sugar and fat.

The annual ritual of trick-or-treating is nigh. Frighteningly, miniature renditions of Hannah Montana and Captain Jack Sparrow will be ringing our doorbell, eager to collect ghoulishly sweet, teeth-rotting treasures.

For parents who encourage their kids to eat healthy throughout the year, Halloween is a scary time indeed. Thankfully, more and more families are opting to hand out non-candy treats such as stickers, a glow stick or a low-fat crunchy snack. However, most children will receive a sizable bounty of junk food: miniature chocolate confection, bubble gum, hard candy and taffy, certain to wreak havoc on little teeth. 

The motto at Pirate’s Booty (manufactured by Robert’s American Gourmet Food, LLC) is that no matter the age – tot to teen – children need to learn how to eat healthy and balanced to sustain good eating habits for life. 

Here are the Pirate’s tips for a “Healthy Halloween”:

• Fill it up. Feed children a full, nutritious meal before heading out to trick-or-treat. This discourages them from devouring candy while out on the trail.
• Barter a trade. Offer coins or a coveted toy (or special outing) in replace of the candy.
• Do your research. Some dentist offices have actually started implementing candy buyback programs the day after Halloween. Kids receive a monetary reward, while the candy gets shipped to different organizations like US troops abroad.
• Treat others. Donate sweets to a local food bank.
• Portion control. Ration the candy and pack in zip lock bags. One or two small treats after a meal will satisfy that sweet tooth. Remember, It’s no longer “fun-size” when the child in possession of pounds of the stuff!
• Help another parent out. Hand out non-candy treats such as a low-fat snack pack. (Psst, Pirate’s Booty is trans-fat, gluten and tree nut free, so it’s perfect for most every kid. Plus, Pirate’s Booty only has up to 130 calories per serving, so if you have a few left over, moms and dads can enjoy without guilt!)

Don’t be haunted by the idea of feeding your kids the occasional sugary snack. Everything in moderation, as they say; Be sure your kid’s diet consists primarily of veggies, fruit and whole grains.

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Gluten intolerance and your child’s behavior: Food is medicine October 1, 2009

For many children, gluten intolerance is typically demonstrated as “off-the-wall irrational” behavior. A father of a gluten intolerant child described his 7-year-old’s behavior to include “many more outbursts, crying and door slamming, and saying life is ‘really, really tough’.” Before you listen to a single utterance about ADHD or accept a pharmaceutical solution for your child’s less desirable behaviors, I strongly encourage you to either have your child tested for gluten intolerance or read up about how to remove gluten from your diet. (Parenting 101: Possible dangers of children taking ADHD meds) 

Gluten intolerance symptoms include: 

• Abdominal cramps, gas and bloating
• Diarrhea
• Fatigue or general weakness
• Foul-smelling or grayish stools that are often fatty or oily
• Osteoporosis
• Stunted growth in children
• Weight loss, or alternatively, obesity

Celiac Disease, an intolerance of gluten (a protein in wheat and other grains), affects 3 million Americans, according to National Institutes of Health . Aside from the accomanying painful and potentially dangerous symptoms, the opportunity of giving our child (or ourselves) the gifts of ease, calm, and confidence is just as important. How frustrating for the child to be provoked to outbursts of frustration, merely from the handful of fish crackers eaten at a playdate?

A thoughtful and consistent change to your child’s diet may be the key to his or her (and your) peace of mind.

Here are some kid-approved recipes from The Unassuming Foodie:

• Bruschetta Style Brown Rice Fusilli This super-easy, gluten-free, lower-carb dish strikes the perfect balance, and is a surefire hit at large  gatherings.
• Pizza for Everyone Rather than using sausage or pepperoni as a topping, the protein is used as the crust. Your choice of veggies are tucked neatly inside and your favorite cheese(s) marry this substantial, easy, rendition of the deep-dish delight.
• Red Beans with Cumin and Sausage It’s a tough economy for foodies. The simple solution: take basic staples and pair with trusted seasonings for a meal that is satisfying, comfortingly familiar and utterly nutritious.

For more info: This article is the first in an upcoming series of recipes. Click SUBSCRIBE above to ensure you receive the entire series, including links for soups, salads, chicken dishes, and desserts.

Read Q&A with Rebecca: My Gluten-free Toddler

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