RIE Conference Unites Parents, Caregivers and Educators! June 4, 2010

Will you be in the Los Angeles area Sunday, June 6, 2010?

Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE) is hosting its 21^st Annual Infant/Toddler Conference, “RIE and Attachment Theory: Why Earliest Relationships Matter” at The Skirball Cultural Center.

The conference will feature for the first time in the U.S., internationally recognized attachment authoritySir Richard Bowlby, who will give the keynote address, “Becoming Attached,” providing parents, teachers, and caregivers with hands-on information that can be put into practice immediately to strengthen, nurture, and heal adult-child relationships.

“RIE and Attachment Theory: Why Earliest Relationships Matter” is open to parents and early childhood professionals, who will gain insight and knowledge about how to foster healthy attachment between baby and caregiver.

Children need to develop a trusting, reciprocal relationship with at least one primary caregiver in order to achieve healthy social and emotional growth. A child unable to establish a secure attachment may face difficulties that can follow him or her into adulthood. “RIE and Attachment Theory: Why Earliest Relationships Matter” explores the issue from the lenses of the scientific to the personal. Come, “see” and understand infants like never before.

Click here for more information about the RIE Conference and to register.

Skirball Cultural Center, 2701 N. Sepulveda Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90049

Sunday, June 6, 2010, from 8:45 a.m. until 4:30 p.m.

ABOUT RIE

Resources for Infant Educarers (RIE) is a non-profit worldwide membership organization, dedicated to improving the quality of infant care and education through teaching, supporting, and mentoring parents and caregivers. Based on respect, the RIE Approach helps raise authentic infants who are competent, confident, curious, attentive, exploring, cooperative, secure, peaceful, focused, self-initiating, resourceful, involved, inner-directed, aware, and interested. The late educator and infant specialist Magda Gerber and pediatric neurologist Tom Forrest, M.D, founded RIE in 1978. For more information, please visit www.rie.org.

Green and healthy grocery shopping on a budget – 8 Tips February 24, 2010

In this economy, the food budget is one place you may be able to cut expenses. But what is the wisest way to accomplish that goal? Making poor food choices actually increases your risk of diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure; so when you cut your food budget, don’t cut out necessary nutrients. Moreover, the healthiest foods have fewer (or edible!) packaging–fruits and veggies, or buying nuts and grains in bulk are excellent ways to increase nutrition while decreasing waste.

ChicagoHealers.com Dr. Kristina L. Sargent, D.C., offers the following tips for low-cost nutrition:

* Stay on the Perimeter: To choose the healthiest foods, stay on the perimeter of the store. You don’t really need to make your way into the aisles – where the processed stuff is located – why tempt yourself to spend your money on food without nutrients, that stresses your body.
* Cut out processed foods: foods, chips, muffins, cookies, soda, sports drinks and other beverages. Most of those foods don’t have many nutrients, like vitamins and antioxidants, and they actually rob your body of nutrients as your body tries to process them. Fitness expert Dustin Maher reminds us not to eat anything from a bag or box, and I think the landfills would agree.
* Meal Plan: Start by planning a week or so’s worth of meals, be sure to include breakfast, lunch if you pack your own, dinner and snacks. You can save time by building up a recipe file with your favorite dishes. You can use cookbooks, print out recipes you find online or keep copies of recipes in a special folder on your computer. Grab the advertisements for your local grocery store to see what’s on special — you can save even more money by planning some of your meals around those sale items.
* Buy frozen foods: With frozen foods you don’t have to worry about spoilage and you will be getting more of the nutrients your body needs to combat stress.
* Buy in bulk: Buy chicken and ground meat in bulk, freezing it in family-sized portions. The same goes for nuts, seeds, grains, flour and snacks.
* Cut Coupons: Look for online coupons as well as the coupons in newspapers and magazines.
* Go veg: Add more vegetarian meals to your diet–a meal consisting of beans or tofu with a grain and vegetables fuels the body, helps the budget and preserves our environment.
* Use your own Water: Buy a water-filter pitcher instead of expensive individual bottles of water. More importantly, the bottled water industry is not regulated–you may be paying more for water that is not even as purified as your own tap water. Read more to learn.

Observing How Your Baby Learns: Getting Back to Basics March 20, 2009

It’s easy to get caught up in the “shoulds” of parenthood: what should the baby eat, how long should the baby sleep, at what age should my baby roll over, sit, watch an educational DVD, crawl, walk, talk, or poop in the toilet. Our overwhelming love and urge to protect and teach drives us to push all sorts of well-meaning toys and activities on our children in an effort to encourage early learning, to give their already gifted genius the challenge it needs to excel.

No matter how many books you read or people you speak with, nothing prepares you for the wonder of parenthood. Most moms and dads will agree that the sleepless nights, the soiled diapers, fluids from all orifices, and unpredictable outbursts,  do absolutely nothing to dull the pure joy and pride of watching your little cherub smile, recognize you, recognize his or her own hand, and begin discovering the world around them.

When our Noah would repeat “heh-wo” to the word “hello” in his first month of life, I was (and remain!) convinced (like all parents) that my child has a phenomenal little mind. He will be two years old next month, and is now clearly attempting to read words. He identifies numbers, and is practicing counting to 100 (thanks to a song I made up for bedtime, originally intended to be so boring and repetitive as to leave no reason to remain awake). He can identify shapes and colors, and knows the difference between a whale, a dolphin and a shark. He blows my mind. 

When our first was born, my husband made some very attractive flash cards, with the hope that we might nurture his intellect from infancy.  Our boys both like them enough, but watching them grow has taught me a very basic lesson in parenting: Our parents and their parents had it right (more or less.) I say “more or less” because my sons would not be able to categorize animals, for instance, if we did not provide a plethora of tiny plastic replicas, or read about them in picture books regularly (i.e.: parental involvement and learning materials required). However, the flash cards are kind of silly (no offence to my better half, we’re learning all this together.)

While we are diligent about providing our children with educational toys and books, and offer them trips to local parks, the zoo, museums, and libraries, their particular “aha!” moments come from the most elementary sources—digging in dirt or sand with a shovel, flying a kite, banging on one thing using another to make a loud sound, building a tower from blocks, kicking a ball or pulling something on wheels (pretty much all the same things our grandparents did when they were little and weren’t yet acquainted with Playhouse Disney or Baby Einstein.)

We’ve been visiting potential schools our children might one day attend (We live in a community where school options are plentiful and we want to be confident in our decision when the time comes. Yeah, right.) During this process we’ve been presented with a variety of teaching methods, yet one thing remains absolutely clear—a child will “get” something if he or she is ready, and if the interest is there. Some kids are far better served by waiting until first grade to learn the alphabet, instead experiencing the world through imaginative play, and other children are fiercely determined to write their own name in nursery or pre-school.

One thing is certain: I need to pare down and keep it simple. This week, a day after a trip to Santa Ana Zoo (where the kids had a lovely time), I decided to go check out a park I’d driven by a hundred times. The Aliso and Wood Canyons Wilderness Park completely surprised me with its 3,879 awe-inspiring acres of green serenity. I’ve lived in Orange County for over two years now, and our venture made me crashingly aware of the peace we’ve been missing. Nowhere were noises of traffic or endless bustling bodies or cement boundaries. More importantly, as I chided myself for not having sought out this place long before, my child was receiving his surroundings in an entirely powerful way. He has visited the woods in Canada on trips to see Gramma and Grandpa, and he has enjoyed numerous days at the beach and neighborhood parks, but I’m embarrassed to admit how overcome he was by the dirt path and the rocks. How citified we’ve been! Our own backyard has recycled tire chips beneath his playhouse and slide—environmentally friendly, but not, well, environment. As we walked along, we listened to birds chirping and insects calling and water running. Again, no traffic in the background. (Even the waves at the beach echo traffic noise.) We came across the occasional jogger or mountain biker, and Noah shared his excitement with them. There were some bushes humming loudly with insects, sending him running to grab my leg, but the best of all were the caterpillars. “Pill!” he squealed (his word for caterpillar)—he recognized them right away, he knew exactly what they were from books, but this was astounding, for both of us. Within seconds we were on our knees, observing, gently touching, smiling excitedly at one another. He even chased one, being careful not to block its path. In a few weeks, they will be butterflies. He “knows” that from Eric Carle, but he won’t really know it until we come back and witness it.

I know I must sound horrible, aren’t these experiences so rudimentary? But, if I had “forgotten” to get away from the noise and business of life and into nature, maybe other moms and dads have been pounding the pavement too? Having a kid means being tight on time, and those jogs or hikes we used to take when we were solo can slip away with the demands of parenthood. But, while we are too busy running our household, our children are also missing out. Let’s make time for nature (and its learning materials), remembering our own childhoods, and leave the concrete world behind for a while.

Get Your (Last-minute) Spook On! October 31, 2008

Ready for a little ghost story dating back to the 1850s? Michael Imlay—LA writer, historian and Reigning King of Spooky just posted this podcast about Old Savannah Cemetery, one of our nation’s most historic pioneer graveyards! 

“I interview pioneer descendant and Savannah Board President Randy Wiggins about the graveyard’s past, present and future,” says Imlay. ”Plus, there’s an added Halloween treat in the form of the ghostlore surrounding the Snoddy family plot.”

Click here to get spooked out!

Now, I’ve got one more pumpkin to carve before the goblins and ghouls descend upon my door…

#13 Fun Things To Do With Your Family This Weekend October 22, 2008

Is it coincidence? This issue of Fun Things To Do With Your Family This Weekend is “lucky” number 13, and the theme is spooooky Halloween!

Host a Pumpkin Carving Party!

This weekend is the ideal time to host your very own Pumpkin Carving Party! Jack-o-lanterns can only survive 5-7 days once cut, so with only a week left until Halloween, let the festivities begin! Did you know that, botanically speaking, pumpkin is a fruit? Grown on every continent but Antarctica, the pumpkin was once thought to be a cure-all for freckles and snakebites. Here are some tips for hosting your pumpkin party!

• Fill a wheelbarrow with pumpkins and place it by the door so guests can choose a pumpkin to carve as they come to the party. (Crunched for time? Have guests bring a hollowed pumpkin with them to the party!)
• Choosing the perfect specimen: Examine the pumpkin’s rind; It should be firm, uniform in color, and free of cuts, bruises, and blemishes. Give the pumpkin a knock; A thumping sound means the pumpkin is solid, with no internal defects, rot, or soft spots.
• Decorate Halloween themed brown paper bags–Make enough for each guest. Fill each bag with inexpensive pumpkin-carving tools, a tea light, and a permanent black marker. (Or substitute poster paints, if your party guests are very young.)
• If using a candle to illuminate your pumpkin, you can create the smell of Halloween spice by sprinkling cinnamon, nutmeg, and pumpkin spice on the underside of the jack-o’-lantern’s lid. Once lit, the pumpkin will create a wonderful scent.
• Download free pumpkin carving patterns and have several copies on hand.
• Create a centerpiece using a large pumpkin surrounded by colorful autumn leaves. Use a drill to make holes around the top and sides of the pumpkin, and fill the holes with caramel apples or lollipops for guests to enjoy!
• Cover your work surface with newspapers or a vinyl tablecloth.

Party music to carve by…

• “Beetlejuice: Main Titles,” composed by Danny Elfman
• “Ghostbusters,” Ray Parker Jr.
• “In the Midnight Hour,” Wilson Pickett
• “I Put a Spell on You,” Nina Simone
• “I Want Candy,” Bow Wow Wow
• “Spooky,” the Classics IV
• “That Old Black Magic,” Ella Fitzgerald
• “Thriller,” Michael Jackson
• “Werewolves of London,” Warren Zevon
• “Witchcraft,” Frank Sinatra

Bone up on Halloween Safety Tips for Moms and Dads.
WIN up to $15,000 in prizes at Pumpkin Master’s Carving Contest! (Check out their Contest Winners page for ideas!)

Gourmet Roasted Pumpkin Seeds 

Once you’ve separated all the seeds from the ooey-gooey, stringy inside of your pumpkin, roast them seasoned with these fabulous spice combinations! Roasted pumpkin seeds are rich in fiber as well as vitamins B and E, and kids love them–but be sure to share them with Grandma and Grandpa, too!

• Roasted pumpkin seeds promote prostate health, thanks to the carotenoids and the omega-3 fats which are currently being studied for their potential prostate benefits.
• Zinc is one further nutrient found in pumpkin seeds that might positively impact prostate function.
• Zinc found in pumpkin seeds also decreases the risk of osteoporosis.
• Pumpkin seeds have been recently investigated for anti-inflammatory benefits in arthritis.
• Pumpkin seed phytosterols dramatically reduce blood levels of cholesterol, enhance the immune response and decrease risk of certain cancers. 

 Click here for the full recipe.
(Visit my other blog, UnassumingFoodie.com for more great kid-friendly recipes!

Future Environmentalists Club

Recycle Your Halloween Pumpkin! When Halloween is over, don’t just throw away those jack-o-lanterns! Kimberly Danger has some great ideas to make use of every last bit of your pumpkin.

Make Baby Food. Halve and roast your pumpkin, then scoop out the flesh. Mash well with a fork. (Begin with an organic pumpkin, preferably.)
Use it as a Harvest Planter. For pumpkins that were painted inside of carved, scoop out the inside membrane and clean. Fill with a little water and use as a vase. Fill the vase with natural twigs, grasses, and harvest mums for a beautiful autumn centerpiece.
Make a Pumpkin Bowl. Scoop out the inside membrane and clean. A typical pumpkin holds up to a gallon of soup or an entire casserole and adds flavor, too. Smaller pumpkins can be used for individual-sized bowls.
Make Pumpkin Puree. Pumpkin puree is the basis for many great bakery goodies. It will stay fresh in your freezer for months. Cut pumpkin in half, scoop out the seeds. Chop into big chunks and place in a baking pan peel side down. Cover with foil. Bake 2-3 hours at 350 degrees. Remove from oven, scoop the pulp out of the peel. Puree in a food processor to reduce stringiness. Freeze excess pumpkin puree for later use. (See Kimberly’s website for recipes for Pumpkin pudding and pumpkin bread, using your fresh puree!)

“By raising our children with a strong sense of respect and reverence for Earth, we help ensure that there will be adults to step into ecological leadership positions.”–Helen Coronato, author of  Eco-Friendly Families, 

*Submit your family’s fun weekend activities—The best ones will be featured here!
Looking for more weekend ideas? Click here for Fun Things To Do archived entries

Q and A with Rebecca: Potty Training September 1, 2008

Got a parenting dilemma? Need more information about something you’ve read on my blog? Just ask!

Reader “Butterflymom”: My little one is 2 ½ and she could not care less about potty training! When she was about 1 ½ she was VERY interested but I didn’t pressure her (mainly because she couldn’t communicate with me in public that she had to use the potty). Besides, it was mainly just curiosity. Now, she would rather be in her diaper, which I don’t get.

Rebecca Lacko: I’m sorry to hear about about your “missed opportunity” back when your daughter was younger and more interested in the potty–that is why the Baby Signs Potty Training program uses sign language, so the baby can tell you when it’s time to go.
But that’s water under the bridge–it’s a year later and the good news is that you are committed to helping her reach this significant milestone. Does she have friends who use the toilet, or is she in a preschool or daycare setting where she can observe other children using the toilet? That can really help. Demonstration is key.
While our little baby Noah is doing great with the Baby Signs method, our first son Joseph outright refused to use the potty (read the full details here), even though he knew all there was to know about it–he didn’t care if he was sitting in his Number Two’s, he didn’t want to use it. The trick that worked for us was really quite simple: We put the diapers out of sight (only one would appear at bedtime.) In their place, we put a basket full of big-kid undies, and allowed him choose which ones he wanted to wear every day.

“Butterflymom”: See, I’ve tried the whole panties thing and she just doesn’t care. She tells me, ”No, Mommy, I poop in my diaper.”

RL: The undies must become non-negotiable. However, you can make it an exciting process from your daughter’s perspective by adding perks, like rewards. I filled a large dish with tons of prizes (stickers, plastic necklaces and rings, fridge magnets, just dollar-store stuff) and I put it in the bathroom and told my son that every time he used the toilet, he got to choose something from the dish. He went right to work, trying to use the toilet, even when he didn’t have to. And every time he asked for a diaper, we said together, “good-bye diapers! Heeeeelllllllloooo undies!) It was actually fun.

“Butterflymom”: I’ve tried little prizes if she goes, even a calendar with stickers to put on it when she goes, NOTHING. NOTHING WORKS!

RL: I promise you, your daughter will not go to kindergarten in diapers. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. You have the opportunity now to use this milestone as a means of growing your bond with your daughter by being consistent, trustworthy and her biggest cheerleader. Whatever you do, keep smiling and maintain a positive attitude. The reward every child is truly seeking is your unconditional love, so demonstrate it abundantly, especially after a successful potty trip, or after a good try at using the potty. When mistakes happen, just cheerfully say, “we’ll try to use the potty again next time!” and that is all, then just clean it up and move on.

“Butterflymom”: The problem I’m obviously having is I’m not being consistent. When she has an accident in her panties and then asks for a diaper, I give her a diaper. I feel like an idiot because, in hindsight, why would I do that? That’s just showing her if she has an accident, I’ll give in and give her what she wants. (*Sigh* This first-time parenting stuff… I tell ya!)

RL: Parenting is a 24/7 challenge, to be sure. Give yourself a break, mom—you’re learning, too! If you need help remaining consistent, please keep this in mind: you are the parent. Your toddler may say she wants to poop in her diaper, but you know what is best! You’re there to help her make decisions that benefit her health, and her self-esteem. You wouldn’t let her choose when or if she’s going to take a bath, and you wouldn’t let her decide at every meal what she should eat. (If my son Joseph had that power, he’d eat yogurt, Goldfish crackers, and ice cream around the clock!)
Most importantly, the risk of a urinary tract infection is reason enough to get her out of poopy diapers. They are extremely painful and the risk of UTIs only increases as the child gets older and, ahem, produces bigger poops.
This can actually be a fun process, you just have to decide it is. Let your goal be good health and a strong loving bond. Your own reward will be a new level of patience, and a confident, diaper-free kid!
Let me know if this information is useful, and how things go!

Hit ”Comments” with your health or parenting question(s), and I’ll do my best to respond within 24 hours. Your privacy is respected; I will not publish real names without permission.

#8 Fun Things to do with Your Family this Weekend August 29, 2008

Become a “Junior Chef” Star!

The revolution has begun! Kids are in the kitchen preparing delicious and healthy meals all by themselves. Junior Chefs of America is the first kids’ web-based cooking program hosted by real kids who love to cook. The website teaches parents and kids how to create fresh, home-cooked meals, inspiring a new generation of smart eaters!

 

The creator and producer of the online show, Michelle Green, is a mother of ten-year-old twin boys, Alex and Jake, who love to cook. Michelle invites kids across America to create their own webisodes and upload them to the site–YOU could be the next Junior Chef star!

Here are some tips for producing a winning webisode! 

• Maintain eye-contact with the camera, the same way you would if you were speaking with a friend. Make sure your recipe is delicious, nutritious, and easy to prepare
• As you make your favorite recipe on camera, be sure to wash your hands first, and explain EVERY step. Explain it thoroughly, but keep it fast-paced and high-energy. Include a tip or two on safety in the kitchen–handling tools, storing food properly, cleaning up, etc
• Have mom or dad follow you closely and steadily with the camera. Ensure adequate lighting
• Download this release form, complete it, and send it with your webisode
• A good sense of humor gets an A+

Upload your webisode (and completed release form) at www.jrchefsofamerica.com! 

Apple Whiz

Any recipe with the word “whiz” in the title obviously predates the Food Network. My mom scribbled this recipe when she was yet a stay-at-home-mom—decades before anyone coined the acronym SAHM—and it’s a tried and true, family-friendly winner.
According to September’s issue of Real Simple magazine, legendary 19th century nurseryman Johnny Appleseed (John Chapman) is said to have planted apple orchards over 75,000 square miles across the US Midwest. The Johnny Appleseed Society reports at least one of those trees, in Ashland County, Ohio, is still bearing fruit. (Good baking apples can be found nearly year-round. Visit my other blog, UnassumingFoodie.com for apple variety suggestions.)

Future Environmentalists Club

By raising our children with a strong sense of respect and reverence for Earth, we help ensure that there will be adults to step into ecological leadership positions.”–Helen Coronato, author of  Eco-Friendly Families,

Gratitude in our homes helps us feel connected. Encourage your kids to show their gratitude for family mealtimes by creating a centerpiece for the dinner table.

• Recycle a used aluminum pie plate by affixing candles to it by melting the candle into the plate and pushing the candles into it. (Note: Little ones should make a centerpiece without candles.)
• Surround the candles with natural treasures, such as rocks, leaves or pinecones, in lieu of store-bought items.
• Each evening, light the gratitude candles (or place a small card inscribed with the words “thank you” among the treasures). Each person then takes a turn thanking someone in their life: a friend, grand-parent, co-worker, school bus driver, mail carrier, store clerk… whoever helps make life run more smoothly.

Family Deals and Contests

Win a copy of Rebeca Seitz’s newest book Coming Unglued , a fabulous follow-up to the well-received Sisters Ink (Scrapbooker’s Series #1) , simply by giving your “momtourage” a shout out! Visit the Momtourage Contest here for more info!

Still need school supplies? Click here for information about great Back-to-School deals online!

If you like what you read here and would like to support me in a small but meaningful way, please visit my Amazon store, Motherhood Must-Haves.

I also invite you to submit your family’s fun weekend activities—The best ones will be featured here!
Looking for more weekend ideas? Click here for Fun Things To Do archived entries

My Potty Baby – Update August 28, 2008

We are very excited about appearing on The Doctors, on CBS, in September. The show premieres nationwide Monday. September 8, 2008 (Check local listings for station and time). I’m still not sure when our episode will appear, but I’ll keep you posted!

People keep asking me how Noah’s potty training is coming along. Since I published this post about Noah being 60% trained using the Baby Signs Potty Training Kit at 14 months, we are now at 16 months and the training is chugging along. The 60% mark was both a milestone and an obstacle. Getting there was a breeze! Getting past it has been the true challenge, and I’ll tell you why: Noah became obsessed with walking and talking. I URGE mommies who are interested in early potty training to begin (ideally) at 9 months, because your baby is stable enough to sit, can most likely crawl to the potty, and the “pop-up” made famous by new walkers is far enough away that you can make impressive potty progress. 

We have had to be very diligent about keeping Noah’s interest on signing and potty use while celebrating his ability to walk and talk. The good news is that, for the most part, he takes his potty for granted–it’s just part of his daily routine, and while he does appreciate a round of applause for a “job” well done, he does his business quite routinely without prompting, and finishes without remark, moving on to the next activity. I never thought I’d say this, much less publicly, but it’s a special sort of treat to notice the potty’s been used without our help. It means he felt the need, got on it himself, and got off without a mess, just like a big boy. Parents of preschoolers handing out reward after reward take note.

Noah’s ability to talk has been nothing short of amazing. I understand that sign language can be useful for encouraging language skills in babies, but I am just as surprised as anyone to hear Noah identifying letters of the alphabet correctly, making their sounds, and repeating them in order. He reads the letters in words and signs all day long, and can identify at least a dozen animals by the sound they make. (He calls ducks “quack-quack”, dogs are “woof-woof”, owls are “hoot-hoot”, etc.) What I find particularly interesting is that he uses the sound twice for most animals–that takes a lot of control! Cats are only “meow”, cows say “moooo” and mice go “squeek”, so he does limit the sounds for some animals. Strangely, he makes the most life-like noise for a pig (especially for someone who has never met a real pig!) We simply must record it. This may seem like an exhaustive list, but I want to remember the details of these spectacular baby days.

So, why not, I’ll continue. Noah is beginning to identify his colors, especially green, and he is beginning to name everything, such as flowers, stars and butterflies. It really is exciting for us as parents. My husband loves the fact that when a tissue is placed in front of his nose, he’ll actually blow. (We have yet to impart this concept to our 3-year-old.) Speaking of noses, everything: eyes, ears, mouth and nose, are called “eyes” by him. Hey, we’re working on it!

The toughest achievement, for me, has been his ability to climb. No longer am I able to play along with my preschooler at the park–his baby brother takes off in the opposite direction at full speed, climbs whatever ladder or steps are available (even the ones marked for 5 to 12-year-olds) ascending swiftly, and maneuvers himself to the very highest point of the play structure, where he’ll throw himself down the tallest slide he can find, grinning the whole way down. I write this with a wee bit of pride in my heart, but the entire experience of visiting the park has become altogether daunting. Watching him, my heart races, I begin to sweat with fear for his safety, and I’ve left the park in tears and rattled nerves from worry about my child tumbling from 2 stories. All the while, I feel compassion for my preschooler Joseph who needs my attention also, and just wants me to chase and play with him. Visiting the playground has become a 2-person job. I’ll need to schedule additional Mommy-and-Joseph time alone—He’s a fun and fascinating little person with a tremendous capacity for love, and I remember as well as he does our life together before Baby #2.

Coping as a New Mommy August 26, 2008

This previously published article is now available for FREE reprint! Simply include my name and byline. (Please note: all names have been changed for the electronic version.)

 

The night before Anna Caldwell was released from the hospital, the realization of her new role as mommy threatened to overwhelm her. In the weeks leading up to delivery, she’d grown increasingly more confident, preparing the nursery, making plans to breast-feed and perusing current parenting literature. However, that night, “I had my emotional ‘moment’ when anxiety hit and I couldn’t control it. I didn’t want to take anything because I was attempting to breast-feed. My husband was going home to sleep because he has back problems (rods, pins and fused areas of his spine) and wasn’t doing well sleeping in the hospital’s chair,” Anna recalls. “But when he saw how upset I was, he ended up staying the night and we shared the hospital bed together and it was the best moment ever and I will never forget it.”  

 

As mommies-to-be, nothing can truly prepare us for the transition from pushing to parenthood. We eagerly await our baby’s arrival, reading books about birth, labor and baby-care, taking classes and talking with friends, yet each woman’s response to motherhood is as individual and unique as her little newborn.

 

A new mom’s first line of defense is a solid network of trustworthy helpers. Know now that the laundry and house-cleaning will pile up quickly. Other areas for concern are meal preparation and care of siblings and pets. Stock your freezer with at least two weeks’ worth of meals, and prepare a pre-delivery gameplan by assigning household tasks to reliable helpers. Aide can come in the form of grandmothers, sisters, cousins, neighbors, friends and church connections. When choosing your network of support people, think quality–not quantity. You don’t want a houseful of houseguests, just a few empathetic, unobtrusive helpmates who understand that ironing and folding laundry or mopping the floor are possibly the most caring gifts they can give.

 

These tasks, however, often fall to the new daddy. “Rob was awesome. He worked ten hours a day but still took care of the dishes, the laundry and walking our dog. We decided to hire a monthly cleaning service to take care of deep cleaning but Rob really took on many of the duties I know he hates,” shares Abbey Nguyen. If at all possible, do find an alternative person to handle the more practical chores. Your partner will be eager to be with you and the baby.

 

More importantly, a significant other can help an unsuspecting new mommy blindsided by emotions ranging in depth and variety that could prove overpowering. While there is much documentation and help available for women suffering from post-partum depression, what is surprising to many new mothers is the experience of loving her new baby. “I never knew I could love this hard,” confesses Rosa Gerardo. “I just stare at my son and cry. I just love him so much it almost hurts.” When Mandy and Jared Alexander brought baby Leta home from the hospital, nothing could have prepared them for Mandy’s acute response to Leta’s every coo and gurgle. A bewildering mixture of hormones, oxytocin released when breast-feeding and the climax of the arrival of the newest member of the family can virtually paralyze an overjoyed new mother anxious to do everything right. A loving and supportive partner and the help of other women who have “been there” can assist a new mommy to embrace her role and garner confidence.

 

Every new mother asked, “what did you need help with most?” reported similarly that breast-feeding posed the biggest hurdle. Julianna Carver explains, “I was determined to breast-feed Madeline before she was even born, but I had no idea how difficult and hard it would be for us. The nurses in the hospital were not much help and because she was born on a Saturday, the lactation nurse was unavailable. I tried and tried but felt like such a failure.” While she was fortunate enough to have help with her recovery, Julianna continued to struggle with nursing. “I had my mom there to cook, clean and help me with anything I needed. My husband took two weeks off to help and bond with Madeline, but, the one thing they couldn’t help me with was nursing. We had a doula at our birth and she came over to help. She introduced me to Soothies and a nipple shield. I also went to the Mother and Baby Wellness Center associated with my hospital and the La Leche League and got one-on-one assistance. After many days without success, the nurse at the Wellness Center finally discovered that Madeline had an underdeveloped sucking mechanism. She taught me how to help Madeline develop a proper sucking method.”

 

Nguyen empathizes, adding, ”I never expected that breastfeeding would be so difficult. I figured: put the breast out and let her suck away. There were times when I thought I wasn’t producing enough milk or that Isabella wasn’t getting enough because she’d constantly fall asleep while nursing. Also, being on call to nurse every two to three hours was grueling. I never left Isabella’s side for the first two months.”

 

As a new mommy looking forward to the (eventually!) very rewarding bonding experience and many health benefits of breast-feeding, begin planning now. Make arrangements to enjoy full advantage of lactation professionals at your hospital, enlist the help of a doula, or visit a local support organization. Also, put aside any embarrassment and simply ask a mother who’s done it before. It’s likely she’ll be all too willing to share advice from the trenches. Gerardo discovered a natural camaraderie among women taking a break to nurse in the spacious restrooms of better department stores, a surprisingly excellent place to meet up with other new moms nursing and changing newborns in the ladies’ rest area.

 

The best advice for a new mother? Accept the unknown. “Because I had a C-section, no one knew the extent of my recovery,” shares Nguyen. “Between Rob, my mom and sister, there was someone with me around the clock for the first week. After that, my mom went back to work but spent the night so that I would have help with night feedings and such. I think I just appreciated the fact that my husband never questioned when I’d get back to normal. He just let me recover in my own time and allowed me to relax. Of course, having my mom and sister around to help him wasn’t so bad. Had we been alone, things might have been a bit more chaotic.”

 

Julianna agrees. Her husband was her number one ally; “Ethan was so supportive. Madeline had colic so we would take turns rocking her, patting her bottom and walking around the house. He was a big help in that aspect.” 

 

With the same care and attention you put into your baby registry, begin rallying the troops to help with your recovery. While details including length of time you’ll recover and any obstacles you may face remain unknown, highlight the knowns. First on the list should be meals. You may need assistance simply to use the toilet­–don’t expect to be able to cook. Also, your partner will be very busy attending to you and the baby; Find others to help with the cooking, cleaning, pet care and errands. Remember, however, to space out visits from your helpers. Your new family will all need plenty of undisturbed rest and are unlikely to have the energy to entertain. Keep in mind that, historically, women around the world have always had the immediate, unwavering support of family, in-laws, neighbors and members of the family’s religious community on hand after delivery. Never before have women been expected to recover so quickly with so little help. If family or friends are unavailable, seek the help of a post-partum doula, who will gladly do light housekeeping, help with other children and provide babycare instruction She will also contribute breast-feeding support and watch the baby while mommy rests.

 

Post-partum doulas can be especially valuable to those with multiple births, and can teach parents organizational tricks to make the first few months a little easier.

 

The bottomline: don’t be afraid to reach out. And, if help is offered, please accept it.

 

What to Expect, and Watching for the Unexpected

Awareness of the following “red flags” and common recovery concerns can help you recognize when and how to get assistance.

 

Symptoms of Post-Partum Depression

• Sadness, hopelessness                             
• poor concentration, confusion
• uncontrollable crying, irritability                   
• feelings of guilt, inadequacy
• lack of interest in the baby                           
• fear of harming the baby or yourself
• fear of losing control or “going crazy”

If you are experiencing any or several of these symptoms, alert your partner and get in touch with your healthcare professional and/or seek out help from one of the services listed in the resource box. If you are extremely troubled by these symptoms, go to the emergency room of the nearest hospital.

           

Tips for Recovery

What to expect: Downtime–get your rest!                                               

How to handle it: Have your babycare books, phone and a camera in bed with you and the baby. Keep food supplies within reach: water, energy bars, cheese, dried and fresh fruit, etc.

What to expect: Enlarged uterus, approx. grapefruit size 

How to handle it: Massage your uterus several times a day until it feels quite firm. By the end of the first week, you shouldn’t feel it anymore.

What to expect: Vaginal flow (lochia)

How to handle it: Until the placental site is healed, you will have a bright red flow similar to your period. Do not over-exert yourself. Rest. Use an incontinence product such as Depend. Do not use tampons.

What to expect: Pain from hemorrhoids or sutures

How to handle it: Avoid sitting. Try sitz baths 2-3 times daily for 15 minutes to promote healing. Sprays such as Americaine reduce pain.

What to expect: Sore, tender breasts.

How to handle it: Use a good-quality, supportive nursing bra without underwire.

Try Soothies and Lansinoh, and experiment with hot and cold packs.

 

Recovering from  a C-section?

Be realistic. Remember that you are recovering from childbirth, recovering from

major surgery, and dealing with the challenges of a new baby. Take it easy; you

should be able to resume activities by 6-8 weeks after surgery.

Get regular. Pain medications like codeine can be constipating. As soon as

possible, switch to a non-steroidal, like ibuprofen (Motrin or Advil).

 

If you like what you read here and would like to support me in a small but meaningful way,

please visit my Amazon store, Motherhood Must-Haves.

·                          

#7 Fun Things to do with Your Family this Weekend August 24, 2008

Does your family Recycle? Great! Now, let’s Renew and Reuse! 
Before you take the recycling bin down to the curb, let’s reuse items to create useful paper or host a Renewable Project Runway competition for tweens!

Make Your Own Paper!

Make Your Own Home-Made Paper by recycling your unwanted bills and junkmail into custom-made personal stationery! The average American household receives over 100 pounds of unwanted junkmail every year—give it a noble use! This easy craft is courtesy of the fine people at Craft magazine.

• Little artists in your house will love having home-made paper for coloring and drawing, wrapping birthday presents or making greeting cards. 
• Try using cookie cutters to incorporate designs into your paper 
• Once you’ve created the tools to make paper, reusing junkmail for custom paper can become a regular family activity—and potentially a science fair project!

 Classic Cream Pie

This classic recipe deserves a “Best Use of Graham Crackers” award! (Actually, the last time I made it, I substituted Annie’s organic baby crackers.)
Did you know graham crackers were named for Presbyterian minister Reverend Sylvester Graham, who touted the merits of a high-fiber, vegetarian diet and promoted the use of homemade, unsifted wheat flour instead of refined white flour? 
Enjoy this heirloom recipe (passed down from my Grandmother to you!) while you gather with the kids and grandparents to watch old Charlie Chaplin and Three Stooges classic ”pie-in-the-face” movies. 
(For more family-friendly recipes, visit my other blog, UnassumingFoodie.com.)

Future Environmentalists Club

Make it work, people. Here is a fun challenge for fashion-crazed tweens. Host your own “Renewable Project Runway” competition, using only items from the recycling bin (newspapers, rinsed cans and bottles, lids, cardboard cereal boxes, etc.), masking tape, scissors and whole lot of imagination.
Each competitor designs and models his or her own creation (or have teams of two work together!)—the sky is the limit for this earth-friendly challenge.

Designate moms and dads to assume the roles of Heidi Klum, Tim Gunn, Michael Kors and Nina Garcia—and a few celebrity judges, of course, dahlings! Award prizes for Most Chic, Cutest, Most Outrageous, Funniest—and a say Auf Wiedersehen to those who just can’t make it work!

Family Deals and Contests

WIN a copy of Rebeca Seitz’s newest book Coming Unglued , a fabulous follow-up to the well-received Sisters Ink (Scrapbooker’s Series #1) , simply by giving your “momtourage” a shout out! Visit the Momtourage Contest here for more info!

Still need school supplies? Click here for information about great Back-to-School deals online!

If you like what you read here and would like to support me in a small but meaningful way, please visit my Amazon store, Motherhood Must-Haves. I also invite you to submit your family’s fun weekend activities—The best ones will be featured here!
Looking for more weekend ideas? Click here for Fun Things To Do archived entries.