Toy Story 3, the end of preschool and holding on and letting go June 24, 2010

Laden with teachers’ gifts and a sense of anticipation for what the summer might offer, my little boys joyfully ran to their preschool classrooms for their final day before summer break.

Much like the first day I left them at preschool, I cried the whole drive home. I’ve planned a rather complex web of summer activities for us, so they have much to look forward to. My sadness comes from how quickly it is all passing by.

In September, my oldest will enter kindergarten. I can’t help but recall the countless hours I spent researching and visiting preschools, understanding what a significant impact his first five years will have on the rest of his life, his approach to education, his ability to socialize, his future success…

I know it seems cliche, but it really does seem like such a short time ago that I gave birth to my oldest son Joseph, and now his younger brother is three and leaving little bits of his baby life behind him every day as he leaps toward little boyhood. In fact, I’m beginning to cry again as I write this. My babies are growing up!

Last night, we went to see Toy Story 3, and if you are going through anything similar with your children, it might be tough to watch. I remember the first time I saw the original Toy Story movie. It was 1995, and I was 24 years old. I was babysitting the niece and nephew of my boyfriend at the time, and we watched it on VHS. I sat there for the length of show with my jaw hanging. I couldn’t believe how much children’s movies had changed since I was a kid! I loved it.

At the beginning of my career, I was old enough (more or less) to be Andy’s mother, but at the same time, I could perceive the story with warm memories of being a child. Seeing Andy last night as a 17-year-old boy preparing to leave for college was an emotional blow I had not in any way expected. Enough time had elapsed for that character to grow up, and I had gotten older along with him. Yes, I’m aware it’s just a movie with a fictional character, thank you.

However, with my youngest perched in my lap, and my oldest at my side I was suddenly aware that my first experience of Toy Story hadn’t seemed so far in the distance, yet when the exact amount of time elapses again, my children will be 17 and 20 years old!

TS3 is about change: the agony of watching the toys long for the carefree joy of children’s imaginative play (with the understanding that their playmate would and should continue to his next milestone) and the support of Andy’s mother who is proud of her son’s succession toward college, while also wishing she “could be with him all the time.”

Don’t we all want that? To hold our children in our arms forever, while at the same time teaching them independence, encouraging them to make  and achieve personal goals, to be courageous, forgiving, and to grow in maturity?

As the poet Kahlil Gibran said about raising children, “For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.”

With the summer ahead, I intend to savor each precious day. Before long I’ll be helping them pack for college.

On a side note, I do agree with Seattle Times writer Moira Macdonald; this movie was more for adults than children. My husband and I were in disbelief about how it could ever have received a G rating. There is a prolonged near-death scene with the threat of violent, hopeless demise, the toys are imprisoned and in some cases tortured. Yes, I remember Sid Philips tortured and imprisoned toys in TS2, but among the toys themselves (who have always been peers) there was a cruelty and meanness we haven’t seen before in the TS trilogy. Lotso’s turn toward the dark side as a result of a singular incident was so complete and utterly terrifying when you consider that he is a child’s plaything. In the other movies, tough times happened and the toys always found a way to learn from it and grow from the experience.  From our perspective, Toys Story 3 should be rated PG.

Catching up with the kidlets: Spring 2010 June 7, 2010

It’s been far too long since I’ve posted pictures for Gramma and Grampa in Canada to see. These little gems are from Spring 2010.

Just last week, my 5-year-old Joseph surprised us all by suddenly passing Level One after only FOUR swimming lessons! He has always been a big fan of his bath, and he loves to go in pools and to the beach, but he has always been very nervous to try to leave the edge and try to learn to swim. When he was a baby, I took him to parent-and-me classes at our local rec center, but it was mostly water-bonding and blowing motorboat. And fun, of course!

This summer, I made the commitment to put the boys in “real” swim lessons and signed them up to work together in semi-private lessons at Waterworks Aquatics, thanks to a referral from my friend Kristianne Koch. Waterworks is amazing, but costs a pretty penny. Kristianne’s son Merrik went there as an infant and with his parents’ help and encouragement, was boogie-boarding and beginning to surf last summer at age four… for hours!

Anyway, Joseph was very excited and curious about swim lessons–but I could tell he was nervous. His little brother Noah was beyond excited. When I put Noah in the water, I need to stay right next to him because he will simply leap forward into the deep water, fully expecting to be able to swim. He is confidence personified. In order to get the boys prepared for swimming (and to bring Joseph’s courage up to his little brother’s level) I began listing all the things they’ll be able to do once they can swim:

• Pretend you are dolphins!
• Pretend you are sharks!
• Pretend you are mermaids! (hey, who isn’t curious about mermaids at some point?)
• Have swim races for prizes!
• Dive for treasure!

OK, for the first four items, they were cheering! With each new idea the cheers grew louder and louder until I said, “dive for treasure.” Noah’s joy came to a crashing halt. Joseph continued to bubble with enthusiasm: “I know! We can put treasure into a treasure box, and put it at the bottom of the pool, then DIVE for it!!”

All the color drained from Noah’s face.  He did not share these dreams. He did not want to go to the bottom of the pool, not for any treasure of any kind. I’d overshot the mark, and toppled the confidence meter. Now Joseph was desperate to get in the water and Noah was clinging to the edge in fear. What was I thinking?

Over the first two lessons, Joseph worked very hard, and while I could see that he has reservations, he set aside his fear and powered through. Noah cried and cried, so I’ve let him sit out until he tells me he wants to try again, and transferred our pre-paid lesson package to Joseph. If there’s one thing about Noah, he has an uncanny ability to figure things out. At age three, he is almost as good at riding his bicycle as his older brother.

I’ve never seen Joseph so focused. I sit where I can see him and give the “thumb’s up” when he looks my way, but I am otherwise removed from his lesson. From the beginning, he was equally cautious and determined. I am so pleased to see him resolve his own inner conflict of fear, choosing to try instead. His teacher is very matter-of-fact. She doesn’t overflow with positive reinforcement, but she doesn’t appear disappointed either when he doesn’t get it right the first time. She simply offers more and more chances to try, in different ways. When I saw him swim down almost four feet to get a toy, I just knew how thrilled he must have been.

I’m so proud of him–It is incredibly rewarding to watch your child decide to meet a goal, and to make his own efforts to achieve that goal. I always reward the spirit of “never giving up” because if we persevere, we can do the things we want to do. I have seen him be frustrated when building with his Legos, and the huge sense of accomplishment that arrives when he figures out to create what he sees in his mind. But learning to swim requires trusting the capabilities of your whole body, entering an unfamiliar world and letting go. When success comes, it is sweet indeed.

Author Anne Lamott’s tips for living the life we want for our children June 1, 2010

I offer you a guest-post of sorts today in the form of excerpts from Time Lost and Found by author Anne Lamott which I just found in the always pleasing Sunset magazine.

As a mother who is a freelance writer and editor working from home, I often place my own needs (especially creative diversions) at the very bottom of my priority list. This is not say that I am a self-sacrificing martyr. If I were more proactive with my time, I could be living a more creative and prolific life–one that (fingers crossed) my children and spouse would admire, would bring greater career success, while also demonstrating to my children how to live a balanced life: one that includes focused industry INSPIRED by immersing in and savoring joyful meanders into creative expression.

Author Anne Lamott’s wise advice:

“I tell my [writing] students…there is nothing you can buy, achieve, own, or rent that can fill up that hunger inside for a sense of fulfillment and wonder. But the good news is that creative expression, whether that means writing, dancing, bird-watching, or cooking, can give a person almost everything that he or she has been searching for: enlivenment, peace, meaning, and the incalculable wealth of time spent quietly in beauty.

Then I bring up the bad news: You have to make time to do this.

Needless to say, this is very distressing for my writing students. They start to explain that they have two kids at home, or five, a stable of horses or a hive of bees, and 40-hour workweeks. Or, on the other hand, sometimes they are climbing the walls with boredom, own nearly nothing, and are looking for work full-time, which is why they can’t make time now to pursue their hearts’ desires. They often add that as soon as they retire, or their last child moves out, or they move to the country, or to the city, or sell the horses, they will. They are absolutely sincere, and they are delusional.”

Lamott recommends we each take, “half an hour, a few days a week. You could commit to writing one page a night, which, over a year, is most of a book. No one else really cares if anyone else finally starts to write or volunteers with marine mammals. But how can [my students] not care and let life slip away? Can’t they give up the gym once a week and buy two hours’ worth of fresh, delectable moments?

They look at me bitterly now—they don’t think I understand. But I do—I know how addictive busyness and mania are. But I ask them whether, if their children grow up to become adults who spend this one precious life in a spin of multitasking, stress, and achievement, and then work out four times a week, will they be pleased that their kids also pursued this kind of whirlwind life?

If not, if they want much more for their kids, lives well spent in hard work and savoring all that is lovely, why are they living this manic way?

I ask them, is there a eucalyptus grove at the end of their street, or a new exhibit at the art museum? An upcoming minus tide at the beach where the agates and tidepools are, or a great poet coming to the library soon? A pond where you can see so many turtles? A journal to fill?”

Half-hour time-wasters to consider giving up:

• the treadmill at the gym–take a walk in the park, a forest, on the beach, on an undiscovered (by you) path, to a different part of town, anywhere…
• house cleaning–honestly, what’s with all the scrubbing? Are you competing for the shiniest floors? Does anybody really care?
• TV–Lamott says “no one needs to watch the news every night, unless one is married to the anchor.”
• electronic connectivity: Lamott remarks that “cell phone, email, text, Twitter—steal most chances of lasting connection or amazement. That multitasking can argue a wasted life.”

Lamott’s books include Operating Instructions and Traveling Mercies. Her new novel, Imperfect Birds (Riverhead Books; $26), will be published this month.

Send some love to a Senior Mom through MealsforMoms.org! May 6, 2010

This Mother’s Day, many lucky moms like me will be eating breakfast in bed, receiving hugs and homemade cards, or perhaps just taking a day of rest from the every duties of managing a household full of busy kids.

Meals on Wheels Association of America (MOWAA)will be working very hard this weekend to ensure a happier holiday for senior moms and grandmothers who will be alone and facing the threat of hunger.

“Right now 1 in 9 seniors in our very own country face the real threat of hunger. These seniors are our mothers and grandmothers and aunts. Many mothers who worked so selflessly to raise their children are now elderly and alone without enough food to eat,” said MOWAA President and CEO Enid Borden. “I hope everyone will join us in our Meals for Moms campaign so that the hidden, hungry, and homebound senior moms are not forgotten this Mother’s Day.”

Did you know that it costs only $7.00 to feed a hungry mom or grandmother? In order to bring a little sunshine to these ladies—and to help make giving a donation easier—MOWAA launched the easy-to-use website MealsforMoms.org which allows users to make secure donations and also  send a virtual flower bouquet to a special mom for this Mother’s Day, or even a homebound senior.

If you have just one minute, please visit the site and create a quick e-card for one of the housebound moms. The volunteers will print your message into a card and include it with a much-needed meal this weekend.

Don’t know what to write? Picture yourself in your senior years: Your children have grown, they may have children of their own, and for whatever reason, you find yourself alone and homebound. A message of love would mean so much, especially when it comes with a delicious meal delivered by a volunteer who has dedicated his or her time and compassion.

Donations raised from this campaign will go into MOWAA’s Meals for Moms Fund to help Meals On Wheels programs across the country feed homebound moms.

To locate a Meals On Wheels program near you, click here.

Good news! On June 7, 2010, Meals for Moms, the Meals On Wheels Association of America’s (MOWAA) reported that the  first annual Mother’s Day Campaign raised over $40,000 for MOWAA’s Mother’s Day Fund and sent over 7,000 messages of hope to hungry and homebound mothers around the country!

The Mother’s Day Fund will be distributed as grants to Meals On Wheels programs around the country to help feed their hungry moms. Our goal is to grow the Mother’s Day Fund to a substantial size that will ultimately allow us to distribute annual grants to Meals On Wheels programs around the country to help feed their hungry moms.

Katie Couric talks about the best way to praise kids April 28, 2010

“You’re so smart!” I tell my boys when they solve a problem or resolve frustration. But am I encouraging them with those words, or merely labeling a successful action? The right words can motivate your child to try harder, to work through a complicated problem, and in doing so, build confidence and self esteem.

This week, Katie Couric interviewed Ellen Galinsky, president and co-founder of the Families in Work Institute and author of “Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs.”  During the interview they discussed the right way to encourage children especially in dealing with education, and the problems in over-praising kids to build self-esteem without demanding accomplishments.

Click here to see the interview with Katie and Ellen.

Want more easy and inspirational life skills ideas? See my post 10 Loving tips for real TLC – Do these now, and be happy.

10 Loving tips for real TLC – Do these now, and be happy

Every day, we owe it to ourselves to take steps toward leading a healthier, happier existence. There are endless possibilities–and rewards!–for good self care, such as meditation, exercise and appreciation of nature. Connecting to your higher power is an excellent path to peace and love, of both yourself and others. 

Today’s amazing and inspiring guest post is from board certified internist, certified holistic physician and national radio personality, Michael Finkelstein, M.D., breaks it down into a series of simple tasks.
 
To live more skillfully, he encourages individuals to view life as a set of opportunities, and to regard every aspect of our journey as an important piece of a collective puzzle. 

Follow your own advice- While advice from others is nice, recognize that no one is in a better position to take care of you than yourself.  You have likely given friends and loved ones guidance many times in the past.  Return the favor to yourself.
Exert self control-  Resist just one urge to eat something unhealthy, crack your knuckles, or say something bad about someone.  You’ll feel better for it and will be more likely to resist the urge again at some point in the future. (See my post on how “good” behavior actually improves self control!)
Forgive yourself for a mistake- Mistakes are inevitable.  Identify one thing you’ve done that was unplanned.  Release any guilt you’ve been harboring because of it and recognize something positive that resulted from it.
Reconsider your needs- Identify something you own that isn’t expensive, and quantify it’s inherent value – a picture your child drew for you; a love note your husband scribbled on a napkin on your first date; family heirloom…finding the value in inexpensive things will help you reevaluate your need for excessive amounts of money that we have a tendency to crave.
Celebrate your age- Consider how fast the joyful times in your life seem to have passed and rejoice in the time you have ahead of you.  Commend yourself on how your experiences have enriched your character and think about how you’d be different had you never had them.
Learn something from your children- Marvel at the ease with which a child interacts with the natural world, and make an effort to release some of the fear that’s attached to our boundaries as adults.
Defy your schedule- When planning your week, make a commitment on one day to wake up when the sun comes up and go to sleep when the sun goes down.  Honoring the sun’s cycle will keep you more in tune with nature, and ultimately healthier.
Thank someone for something- Considering what a person has done for you lately will  help you realize and appreciate what you have
Commend yourself for a job well done- We are our greatest teachers, so it’s important to bestow praise upon ourselves when we deserve it.  

Prior to developing his celebrated Skillful Living concept, Dr. Finkelstein was the Medical Director of Northern Westchester Hospital in Bedford NY and the Assistant Director to the Department of Medicine at Lenox Hill Hospital in NYC.

“Good” behavior means a better diet, improved physical abilities? Yes! April 26, 2010

I’ve always found it curious that we consider eating nutritiously or going to the gym as “being good.” When we give in to counter-productive temptations, we are “bad.” And that negative thought about ourselves then cycles into another negative choice: “Since I’ve already broken my diet with these cookies, I might as well eat the whole bag.”  Or, how about, “I missed the gym twice this week. I might as well throw in the towel.” Since when did our food and exercise habits make us virtuous–or naughty?

I’m as guilty as anyone. I actually prefer a nutritious diet, and find fatty or fried food distasteful. Now that I’ve decided to return to vegetarianism to protect my health, I am yet more nauseatingly pious.

But, new statistics show that a lifestyle of compassion towards others can actually help us make better choices in the kitchen–and more capable at the gym.

The research, published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, shows a similar or even greater boost in physical strength following dastardly deeds. Researcher Kurt Gray, a doctoral student in psychology at Harvard, explains that counter to the notion that only those blessed with heightened willpower or self-control are capable of making positive food choices, or consistently maintaining an exercise program.

“Gandhi or Mother Teresa may not have been born with extraordinary self-control, but perhaps came to possess it through trying to help others,” says Gray, who calls this effect “moral transformation” because it suggests that moral deeds have the power to transform people from average to exceptional.

“Perhaps the best way to resist the donuts at work is to donate your change in the morning to a worthy cause,” Gray says.

It may also suggest new treatments for anxiety or depression, he says: Helping others may be the best way of regaining control of your own life. (Amen to that! The best way out of a dark place is to help others who are in greater need than you. Seems counter-intuitive, but works every time.)

Gray’s findings are based on two studies. In the first, participants were given a dollar and told either to keep it or to donate it to charity; they were then asked to hold up a 5 lb. weight for as long as they could. Those who donated to charity could hold the weight up for almost 10 seconds longer, on average.

In a second study, participants held a weight while writing fictional stories of themselves either helping another, harming another, or doing something that had no impact on others. As before, those who thought about doing good were significantly stronger than those whose actions didn’t benefit other people.

But surprisingly, the would-be malefactors were even stronger than those who envisioned doing good deeds.

“Whether you’re saintly or nefarious, there seems to be power in moral events,” Gray says. “People often look at others who do great or evil deeds and think, ‘I could never do that’ or ‘I wouldn’t have the strength to do that.’ But in fact, this research suggests that physical strength may be an effect, not a cause, of moral acts.”

Mother’s Day foodie gifts you’ll actually want! April 23, 2010

Mother’s Day is a wonderful excuse to receive gifts reflecting your favorite food passions. Rather than the same-old, these treats from RegionalBest.com look unique and special. I don’t tout products I haven’t tried, but these look tempting enough that I simply must post–if only as a hint!

For the Gluten Free Mom

Caren Wize, chef and owner of Truly Wize Bakery, makes delicious all natural, gluten free products that are beautifully packaged in eco-friendly gift boxes.  We recommend  Assorted Macaroons,  the extra rich and moist Gluten Free Brownies, and the fruit flavor filled Whoopie Pies.

For the Chocolate Lover Mom

Roni-Sues Chocolates of New York City offers several truffle collections, including the Cocktail Truffle Collection, unique handmade truffles featuring a variety of classic cocktails like the Manhattan,  Mojito, Dark & Stormy, Mimosa and Margarita.  They’re made with the finest local ingredients and some include tequila, coconut rum, bourbon and sweet vermouth.  In addition, Roni-Sue’s exclusive Regional Chocolate Collection features a variety of flavors each very different and unique to represent regional flavors throughout the United States, such as blueberry, cherries jubiliee and pecan pie.

For the Garden Lover Mom   
  
Artisanal Shortbread from Simply Nic’s in New Jersey is available in luscious varieties like Rosemary, Lavender and Cardamon Candied Ginger.  Artisan Baker Nicole Bergman gets  fresh rosemary from local farms, and gardens in and around Princeton, NJ.  She harvests rosemary from the herb garden that Littlebrook Elementary School’s Garden Club (in Princeton, NJ) plants, as part of the Princeton School Garden Cooperative.

For the Breakfast Lover Mom

If mom is a coffee or tea lover, you can’t go wrong with Kohana’s Best Coffee Sampler, a selection of Kohana’s best roasted coffees, or the Flowering Teas Sampler from Great Lakes Tea and Spice.  The teas are absolutely gorgeous served in a clear class pot or cups.

For more great ideas, check out RegionalBest’s gift guide.

What foodie gift would YOU like to receive for Mother’s Day?

Jane Goodall’s 9 tips for family fun on Earth Day! April 21, 2010

In celebration of the 40th anniversary of Earth Day, Jane Goodall’s Roots & Shoots, the Jane Goodall Institute‘s global environmental and humanitarian youth program featuring service projects, youth-led campaigns and an interactive website offering earth-friendly activities, is empowering kids and families worldwide to care for the planet.

Roots & Shoots (in conjunction with Toys R Us) have developed the following list of free and low-cost activities to help families appreciate the outdoors this Earth Day.

• Jump! Whether you call it skipping rope or jump roping, it’s a great activity to improve strength and fitness and can be performed on grass or pavement.
• Retreat to the Beach. Instead of driving to the beach, recreate a piece of the coast’s serene atmosphere with a sandbox in the yard.
• Be Farm and Garden Fresh. Get to know your local farmer and enlist the kids to join you at the local farmers’ markets. Better yet, plant your own garden that everyone can care for and enjoy all season long.
• Let’s Go Fly a Kite! Show the kids how to soar into a colorful sky with only the force of nature to power your kite. A centuries-old activity, kite flying can be enjoyed at any age—with a little wind, of course!
• Give Back. Gather the family for a volunteer day dedicated to beautifying the earth. Many communities have organizations that champion environmental protection and regularly organize events like stream and trail clean-ups.
• Be Bubbly! Invite the neighbors to create bubble wands out of objects found around the house like straws, pipe cleaners, strawberry baskets and coat hangers. Take the kids outside and have your own bubble party!
• Take a Hike. Locate a nature trail near you and take the kids on a woodsy adventure. Hiking is a group activity that provides great exercise and hands-on experiences with the natural world.
• Start a Kickball Game. All it takes is a rubber playground ball, make-shift bases and some friends to start a kickball game. Create a neighborhood tournament and coach the kids though innings of bouncing fun.
• Catch and Release. Butterflies are some of nature’s most beautiful creatures, although they aren’t easy to observe when they flutter in the sky. Using an insect or butterfly net, capture them and show the kids how to appreciate their beauty up close. Then let them loose.

Closing the Gap of Longing for Closeness April 11, 2010

My column below was originally printed in NewsBreak (April 2010). It is available for free reprint.

Losing Jesus on the cross left the disciples with some serious self-image issues. Without Him, who were they, really? Until He rose on the third day, they were more or less adrift, left to ponder the choices they’d made, the homes they’d left, the uncertainty of what lay ahead.

We live in an increasingly narcissistic world. Social media exults the minutia of our less-than-newsworthy daily tasks. Reality TV has made “stars” out of those willing to risk personal safety, reveal intimate details of their marriage and child-rearing, gratify unbridled ego trips or engage in promiscuous encounters on camera.

In many ways, the amount of time I’ve devoted to my spiritual path–through constant self-reflection and self-awareness–is just as self-centered. Hi, my name is Rebecca. I’m an egomaniac.

About a year ago, I discovered the love-filled adventure of forgiveness. I let go of everything that happened only a minute before, and released everything that may happen in the next, leaving only enough room to listen and respond as God would have me. (Hint: His advice is often “love and forgive.”) When I offer only love and forgiveness, others act so loveable! Who doesn’t glow around the people who love, forgive and adore them?

Yet, I still struggled to feel connected. It didn’t make sense. To be with Jesus is to be in joy. So what gives? Consider the individual prayers God must answer; He has taken a personal interest in each one of us. Imagine if He were too busy thinking about His own stuff?

The disciples shared the Messiah’s interests; they went where He went because they loved Him. When I replaced time thinking about my needs with the interests of others–loving them as He has loved me–my joy has been complete. As a result, I’ve run some inconvenient errands. But God has unleashed in me a happiness occurring minute by minute in all circumstances.

When you imagine people getting along in a family, among friends, or in a workplace, they are engaged in a shared project, shared joke or similar interest. To reconnect with loved ones, take heed of 1Corinthians13:5 and stop keeping record of wrongs. To make new friends, we need to stop telling our own story and start listening to others’.

Worried you won’t have a good time? One person’s enthusiasm for jazz or baseball is another person’s snoozefest, right? Engaging in other people’s interests demonstrates respect and affection, allowing you to grow closer and drop unfounded judgments. Today, I know more about Star Wars than I ever deemed necessary, but I enjoy a closeness with my sons and husband I would have otherwise missed.

If you’re an egomaniac like me, you may be thinking, “But I want others to take a greater interest in me.” With all your new interests, you will be more interesting. The people you’ve gifted with your attention will feel closer to you. As you give, so shall you receive.