Motherhood, Marriage and Other Wild Rides

Health, Happiness and the Pursuit of Mommyhood

Twilight vampires to end human race? September 3, 2009

Twilight vampires are thoughtlessly destroying the planet and our ecology. If we look closely at the habits of Twilight vampires, we see that they engage habits that endanger humanity—beyond just the occasional blood-thirsty rampage (although that doesn’t help our survival rate, either). Let’s look at the evidence.

Future Environmentalists’ Club science question: What causes extinction? There are five major causes of extinction (using the HIPPO model): habitat loss, an introduced species, pollution, population growth, and overconsumption.

H- Habitat loss: Sadly, humans are taking care of this for the vampires, cutting down trees and rainforests, depleting the ozone, overusing gas,oil, and water, etc.

I – Introduced species: Twilight vampires certainly qualify as an introduced species–alien, exotic, non-indigenous, and non-native. Some introduced species are damaging to the ecosystem they are introduced into, or impact on the health of animals and humans. Since humans (and animals) are their food group, Twilight vampires certainly make an impact on our health. Further, Twilight vampires have smaller carbon footprints as opposed to us. For example, Vampires depend less on vehicles for travel (they can run so fast, they virtually fly), their, ahem, “food” doesn’t require packaging, washing or heating to eat, and they don’t need to wash plates and utensils when they are satisfied–the “trash” from their food is essentially organic. They don’t require heat or cooling systems, or even a toilet (If you’re dead, you have no working intestines or fluids.) They prefer classic clothing styles, rather than jumping on every latest trend, thereby reducing trash and waste. However, Twilight vampires are by no means environmentalists; The closest the Twilight vamps have ever come to anything remotely eco-friendly was a visit a greenhouse on a biology trip—where they give not a moment of thought to anything but their own concerns. See the You Tube video.  

P- Pollution:  As they are dead, vampires do not need oxygen for survival, but we do. What’s more, we need it to be free of carcinogens and carbon dioxide. Most all Twilight cast members are smokers; Being immortal, that unhealthy habit won’t kill them, but the pollution of second-hand smoke is a danger to our health–and their romanticism of smoking doesn’t set a good example for fans, either. On an annual basis, an acre of trees might grow 2,000 pounds of wood, use 2,940 pounds of carbon dioxide, and give off 2,140 pounds of oxygen. As they keep smoking, and we cut down forests for paper products, lack of oxygen will threaten our species, but not the vampires. When Bella asks Edward how long he can go without breathing, he replies: “Indefinitely, I suppose.”

P- Population growth: According to Twilight Lexicon It is impossible for a human to kill a vampire by any means because they are too strong to be susceptible to humans or human weapons: “You try shoving wood through granite;” For the most part, only other vampires can do it.  When you consider that all the books in the series have sold more than 53 million copies and been translated into 37 languages, there are likely millions of rabid fans around the world who would willingly accept a nibble. Humans have even hurt each other while attempting get close to a Twilight cast member. In November 2008, Twilight fans started a mini-riot at an event at a Hot Topic in a mall in San Francisco. The crowd of 3,000 turned violent in hopes of being among the first 500 fans promised to receive a free Twilight T-shirt and a chance to meet Robert Pattinson, the British hearthrob who plays vampire Edward Cullen in the films. 

O- Overconsumption: Overconsumption of humans (and animals) is bound to happen as vampires grow in population–and why wouldn’t they multiple, when we popularize them? And, they never take a break—Vampires are always awake and alert. (“I can’t sleep,” says Edward.)
  Be warned. The fan craze may subside, eventually. But, unless we reduce our own carbon footprint, Twilight vampires may be the cause of total extinction of the human race.  

 For more info:  According to Linda Rodriguez, there is virtually no one on the planet who hasn’t heard of Stephenie Meyer’s saga, a series of four books–Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn–about a human girl and the complications arising from her budding love for a vampire. Twilight, debuted in fifth place on the New York Times bestseller list in 2005, hitting the top spot shortly after. How can we reduce our carbon footprints and save ourselves? Check out Future Environmentalists’ Club: What is a carbon footprint?

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4 Responses to “Twilight vampires to end human race?”

  1. […] more: Twilight vampires to end human race? Posted by admin Filed in RSS News No Comments […]

  2. Organic Food Says:

    Ones is the vampires, the other, the werewolves, both races are swor… Organic Food

  3. Faith Says:

    Just catching up on my reading here…man, it’s been longer than I realized! Lots of stuff to check out! 🙂

    But this post caught my eye, because I’m a fan of the Twilight series, and I’m confused…the Twilight vampires aren’t real, so they don’t have any affect on the environment. The Twilight cast members might be smokers, for example, but the characters are not. (And the cast members are, of course, by no means “immortal”. At least I hope they aren’t! 😉 )

    And as far as fans being willing to accept a nibble, well, that kinda helps in this imaginary scenario, doesn’t it? The more people killed by vampires, the less problem we have with population! Even if they’re turned to vampires themselves…you already pointed out that vampires don’t breathe, consume as much energy, food, or water, and are likely more environmental in their choices in clothing. So wouldn’t that be a good thing?

    Sorry to be a PITA, but I just don’t get the correlations here, is the thing. ::scratching head::

  4. rjlacko Says:

    Hey Faith!
    This post is entirely tongue-in-cheek; I was hoping that would be transparent. I have a category on my Green Living column on called Future Environmentalists’ Club, which is geared towards teaching kids about the environment, how to recycle, and occasionally I feature some fun crafts. This particular article is intended to teach kids about animal extinction and to think about their carbon footprints. I used Twilight as the vehicle for the lesson because it is of interest to tweens and teens–just utilizing popular culture as a vehicle to teach a lesson.
    Considering your question about whether it would be a “good thing” if everyone were eventually vampires, what would be the point of environmentalism if everyone were already (un)dead?

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