Shopping for my husband is nearly impossible. While other men would not be fit to appear in public had their wives not imposed a fashion intervention, my man is very particular about what he wears. The same goes for his penchant for software, hardware, music, video games, tools, boating or camping equipment, you name it. Even when he specifically asks for something, I am left on a wild goose chase to nail down the exact make and model that he would most enjoy…and I am invariably incorrect.
And, while I am somewhat of a (ahem) tightwad, my husband is comparatively more loose with his money and will buy exactly what he wants exactly when he wants it. What is boils down to is that it is nearly impossible to shop for gifts for him. To add to the pressure, he is a wonderfully thoughtful and generous gift-giver, who (I just know!) will present me (pun intended) with a variety of intuitive, sentimental yet practical gifts on Christmas morning. Mind you, thanks to his good love and our holiday-crazed offspring, I already have everything I’ve ever truly desired, so everything else is Sephora, er, icing on the cake.
I just want to give him something that says: “I know you so well, and here’s X to prove it!”
In the midst of my dilemma (and because I do know him well), I came up with a Top Ten List of gifts that he would–without question–NOT want to receive.
1. Neck ties or woollen scarves (Ties and his neck: nary the twain shall meet)
2. A set of hankies to match the neckties
3. A pocket watch (Among other things, his iPhone does tell the time. Besides, there’s probably a pocket watch app anyway)
4. A man-purse
5. A gift certificate to get his ear pierced (the only jewelry he has ever acceded to is his wedding ring)
6. A dozen little throw pillows for our bed, each showcasing an applique, sequins or other adornment rendering them “useless” as a pillow.
7. A flask (To quote Jim Gaffigan, “I think giving someone a flask is a nice way of saying: ‘Hey you seem like a drunk on the go… This would be good for you in your car.’”)
8. A software package barring adult online content
9. A carton of cigarrettes (he has a zero tolerance policy on smoking)
10. A life-size cardboard cut-out of Robert Pattinson.
Having the same problem? What WOULDN’T your man want to receive?